We say so much without a word
Sitting next to each other
The silence is comforting when there’s no need to talk
I’ve never had this with another.
I look at you across the room
And you know what’s deep in my heart
You know all that I’m trying to say
When I can’t find the words to even start.
The feel of your hand makes me safe
Your eyes make me feel all is fine
I feel that life is finally great
Each time that your lips reach for mine
A time to rely completely on God
As all the world became as one
Money or status really didn’t matter
As everyone saw a new way had begun.
We couldn’t see family or friends
Human contact became a huge no
Possessions meant not a thing anymore
When we realised people were what fed our soul.
Loneliness made life so bleak
For so many people on their own
But suddenly letters and messages were sent
As neighbours made sure others weren’t alone.
Schools were shut and shops closed
Parents juggled so much
We didn’t need the things of before
We just longed for human touch
So will we change our ways now
Or will we go back as before
Will we continue to rely on God
And love our neighbour evermore?
I’m not used to doing this
I’d normally just close the door
And erase all traces of you ever being here
Should I just
Stick a plaster on the cracks of my heart
And hope the stitches don’t break
Like the parts of my soul have?
And every time I see you
and things seem the same do I
Mop up the blood of the wound
And restick the gape?
Shall I say it’s all fine
And smile and play a part
And act solid as always like a stone
When actually In the quiet of the night
When I’m all alone
I feel like a sheet of glass
With the same stone one step away
From smashing my thoughts
And turning off the light.
I usually would have forgotten your name
And how your hand feels in mine
But I still remember everything and how
Your arms with mine were entwined.
How your skin tastes of only you and
How you know so much about me
And yet you shut me out like I’m just someone you don’t know
And now with you I can’t speak free
And yet you’re in my every thought
All I want is to hold you tight and
Kiss your lips just one more time
And for just one day once again
I could pretend that you are mine.
I made you the centre of my world
And I’m so annoyed at myself
I put everything else around you
And I was left waiting on the shelf.
I was never quite enough for you
Always in reserve
Because I was so stupid to adore you
I got exactly what I deserve.
I should wait for someone else
Who will treat me like a Queen
But I know no one else to me
Will mean as much as you mean.
Loving you is like
Jumping from a rocket
On its way to an unknown destination.
It’s thrilling, scary and maybe
Not so planned out.
It’s the first time I’ve done it
And the last time I will
This is my final journey of love
I wouldn’t survive if this ends
To take another shuttle.
I wonder if the parachute
Will come open or if
I’ll just fall to the ground.
Thrilling nonetheless on the way.
Not very much scares me.
I get through life and I don’t worry much
I’ve had to switch my emotions off
When it concerns me.
But you came along and opened my heart
My soul. Open to bleed.
And now I have worries that keep me awake
And play like a movie that’s stuck What if I start to forget
The exact blue of your eyes?
And the sparkle in them when you laugh
How I love to look in them
And see if you’re happy or sad
How my heart jumps when I look into them
Across a room of people.
What if I forget your laugh?
And how happy I get when hearing it.
What if I forget how to make you laugh?
What if I never hear it again?
What if I’m never there to make you happy?
What if we don’t talk for a day
And then for two, three, four
Then a week and then we stop even Thinking about it.
What if I forget the exact smell of your skin
And how it tastes?
And how it feels
And how much I want to bite it
For pleasure.
What if I don’t remember how your hands feel
when they explore
Every part of my body.
And the ecstasy I get from you.
What if I don’t recognise the sound of your voice
And how I love to listen to it
If I forget our conversations
And if we don’t have any any more.
How your lips kiss mine
As if they’ve always known each other
What if you forget me?
What would I do without you?
How would I live?
These things scare me more than death.
I need God because through god I have a purpose and that gives me fulfilment. that’s not always been the case though and like many I have searched for happiness in many wrong places. I have tried to fill it with buying things, alcohol, other people, holidays and they made me happy for an amount of time but then when that wore off I would be back searching for the next, more exciting or more destructive thing to fill this void that I and many people have. Often these things are selfish and motivated by earning money or getting recognition as that is what we think will make us happy. A big house, new car, designer clothes may give us a certain status but they cannot fill that space that is meant to be filled.
A lot of people feel their purpose is the jobs they do whether paid or unpaid and many of these jobs really do help many people so I am not saying anything negative about that but at the moment whilst we are going through a pandemic and so many of us are staying at home there is a sense in many of being lost and I think that could be because they feel they have no purpose or they are feeling’ what is the point’ in all of this when they cannot do the things that they normally do to give them a sense of being. And I get that. I love to help out in places and without being able to do those things I felt I wasnt doing anything worthwhile.
If we aren’t doing what we know how to do then do our lives have a purpose? I think at this time its an opportunity for many people to really find fulfillment in what God wants us to do or to just spend time with Him. I need God because through God I have a purpose which gives me fulfillment. Many people look for fulfillment in so many places. The latest iphone, a holiday, having a youtube channel or even more destructive paths like alcoholism or trying to find love through many partners. These all give enjoyment, I have no doubt about that ,but only for a short amount of time and then we are looking for the next pleasure. God . doesn’t care about the laptop we have or the amount of followers on Instagram. What he cares about is the fact that we help others without fanfare or money but because we genuinely want to in our hearts. There is so much we can do at this time.
There could be people in our street that we don’t even know. Now is the time to write a note to say you are thinking of them and if you are able you could offer to pick them up some shopping when you next get yours. If you have some spare money then maybe you could buy some flowers and send them to the lady down the street who you know is on her own. Put some chocolates on the doorstep of the man you pass in the mornings but never had the time to stop and chat to. Write letters to people so they know you are thinking of them. Become a prayer warrior. It is the perfect opportunity to serve people in a quiet but meaningful way. I believe this will give you the fulfillment you are looking for. When we serve others we are becoming closer to God. Do not see this as a loss of identity but as gaining a new one.
I only just spoke to you
But already checking my phone
I just want to talk to you
As you always feel like home.
I miss the times just sitting by you
In silence or just small talk
Some of my favourite times
Are just the moments we walk.
I wonder what you’re doing now
Do you sometimes think of me too?
Do you miss the things we do
Do you need me like I need you?
At night when I can’t sleep
I smile at things you’ve said
I want to talk about you daily
You’re all that fills my head.
Each day without seeing you
Sends my heart such deep pain
I wonder do you long for me
Will you ever touch me once again?
Things that scare me.
Not very much scares me.
I get through life and I don’t worry much I’ve had to switch my emotions off
When it concerns me.
But You came along and opened my heart
My soul.
Open to bleed.
And now I have worries that keep me awake And play like a movie that’s stuck
What if I start to forget
The exact blue of your eyes?
And the sparkle in them when you laugh
I love to look in them
And see if you’re happy or sad
How my heart jumps when I look into them
Across a room of people.
What if I forget your laugh?
And how happy I get hearing it.
How I smile.
What if I forget how to make you laugh?What if I never hear it again?
What if I’m never there to make you happy?What if we don’t talk for a day
And then for two, three, four
Then a week
and then we stop even
Thinking about it.
What if I forget the exact smell of your skin
And how it tastes?
And how it feels
On my skin
What if I don’t remember how your hands
Feel when they explore
Every part of my body.
And the ecstasy I get from you.
What if I don’t recognise the sound of your voice
And how I love to listen to it
If I forget our conversations
And if we don’t have any more.
How your lips kiss mine
As if they’ve always known each other
What if you forget me?
What would I do without you?
How would I live?
These things scare me more than death.
I am no good at long distance.
Never have been in any way
I need to see someone in flesh
In order for any interest to stay.
Oh I’ve tried it before
And it starts off so good
The excitement is there
And all goes along as it should
Then little by little of them
My mind stops thinking
Then the chats get much less
And the relationships sinking.
But with you it’s so strange
It all seems so new
The loves getting stronger
I never stop thinking of you.
My love is deeper
Than it was at the start
I wonder if this means
You’re supposed to have my heart.
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