Rather than eating

The models are beautiful.

Thin hips standing out like ivory mountains Thigh gap, neck bones in full view

Perfect specimens of womanhood.

But it’s not beautiful when I try to look the same.

it’s not womanly when periods stop and chest looks like a teenage boys.

When I’m choosing if 30 minutes exercise

Is worth eating the apple for.

But it’s juicy and I haven’t swallowed anything in nearly 3 days.

I’m so weak.

Be beautiful not fat!

I know the calories in every.bit.of.food. Nothing beautiful about bleeding knuckles

Scarred with the toilet dashes after each meal

Aching muscles as there’s just nothing to fuel them

The blood as the razor writes fat on my stomach

And when someone says I look thinner

I know they mean large, ugly, lazy.

There’s nothing beautiful about wanting to die

Rather than eating.

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