I see you.
You are struggling with your 3 year old wondering why she is screaming this time. You are trying to avoid the bites and hits as you don’t want to get yet another bruise and all the while you avoid looking at the disapproving stares of passers by that wonder why on earth a child that age is in a buggy still and why cant you just control her? You hear them whisper how you need to learn to dissapline her or how she’s just a spoilt brat and you want to shout at them that you are doing all that you know how to do.
I feel you.
Endless hours pouring over books and searching internet pages and forums trying to see if your child is ever going to be able to tell you whats wrong and if you are ever going to be able to just go to a shop like most other parents without having to make sure every known meltdown trigger is out of the way and how you wish you even knew what the triggers were most of the time. Will it be the noise, smell, crowds, a word or the fact you have to go a different route to the shop this time?
My heart breaks for you.
As you just don’t know what to do and you have no one that really understands. How can they when you don’t even understand your own child? You don’t know how you are going to get through another day and there won’t even come a small respite for you when other children will sleep as you know sleep just won’t happen again. The overwhelming tiredness is impossible to describe. How you felt when you fell asleep during the speech therapy session because you could actually sit down and you’d only had a few hours sleep in days and the constant wondering if it was possible to sleep whilst walking with one eye shut. The tiredness makes the daily struggle to get her dressed even more of a workout. You don’t know yet but the fabric of many things hurts her skin.
I know you.
And I know you will be just fine.
You love your child so much you will give all you have to get to know everything about her and you will fight for the right school and you won’t listen to people saying the things she won’t be able to do. You will become stronger than you ever thought possible and your child will talk and will be toilet trained and will eat something other than potato waffles! She will grow up to be more than you could ever imagine. It will be hard and the route will be different than many others but you will get to know people along the way that will be such a blessing.
And one day you will just be sitting there as your daughter is nearly an adult and has just finished her weekend job, because she will get a job, and you will think.
We did it.